Be Careful What You Wish For...

Two years ago I dropped everything to go to school. I told myself I was prepared to sit in the library and study all day long. While I haven't been sitting in the library (I sit at home so I can be with my dog), I am now living what I told myself I was preparing for. I sit at home or at school and work. And if I'm not working on school stuff, I'm working in the lab. I sometime come home so tired that I don't even wash my face. I just go straight to bed. Even though I knew this is what I was getting myself into, I am really hating life right now.

Overwhelmed

You know the saying "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" That's me. Every program I applied to over the past month accepted me. Which is a no brainer, because I am so awesome. I was excited for a couple days and now the reality and self-doubt is starting to kick in. Sometimes I stop and ask myself "who am I kidding?" I'm not a genius. I struggle so hard to get the grades I do, and I still never have the highest A in the class. Whenever I think of someone with the title "Doctor" I think of a genius. I think of someone with a superior intellect. I don't think of a retard such as myself. I suppose I just have to trust that I wouldn't be thrown into these challenging situations if I wasn't cut out for it. Whenever I'm about to embark on something big, I always have freak outs and moments of self-doubt. I guess this is another one of those moments.

Immunology

Immunology is seriously the coolest subject. How could you not be fascinated with the battlefield inside your body? I think of it as those plastic little toy soldiers you get in a bag for a dollar at the supermarket. You get an intruder and it's BANG!BANG! (for the most part)

Yeah, I know I'm a weirdo.

Deal with it.

Letter of Rec

Woke up to find THE BEST letter of recommendation from my department manager at the hospital I used to volunteer at. If I don't get this research position based on that letter, I will be shocked!

uuuuggghhh

Today was a LOOOONNNGGG day. Chemistry recitation at 9am at the Downtown campus. 12pm Bio at the Tempe Campus. Came home and did some lab reports until about 7. It's about midnight and I JUST finished my resumes and personal statements for the research program I'm trying to get into as well as the clinic I want to get a job at. I hate writing. Honestly, it's the bane of my existence. Can't I just talk about it? Writing things down in a comprehensive manner has never been my strong point.

Plus, my leg is numb from sitting here since 2PM!! Welcome to college life!

I wish I was in Chicago.

:(

And the beat goes on

Final grades came in today and it looks as though I maintain my 4.0 Science GPA for another term. :)

I'm currently in California visiting my parents. Apparently we are having a "heat wave." However, 99 degrees with a cool breeze is nothing compared to 112 in Phoenix.

I love California. :)

DIY

I finished my first term at ASU. I'm just hoping I got an A. I never know. I always freak out and think I failed. This time is no exception.

As soon as I finished my final, I went straight to Home Depot and bought all my DIY supplies for my apartment renovation. I painted my bathroom red, I just need some wall paper for one wall. I also refurbished a mirror that my friend gave me. I used a spray bottle filled with water followed by black spray paint to give it a splatter effect. Lastly, I made some rad coasters. Check 'em out!

I used $.14 cent tile and spray painted two of them black. The other two I used card stock, pasted it on and then painted on a coat of polyurethane. They came out pretty cool for my first try if you ask me. I'd like to make 4 more so I have a set for my dinner table, and a set for the coffee table. I'm also realizing these might make awesome gifts for Xmas since I am now an official broke student. Fun times.

Tomorrow I begin to paint my living room. Excited to finally get this apartment rolling. I'd been so busy with school I haven't been able to do anything creative.

Also, I'm going back home to California on Thursday. So excited! :)

I have a date tonight.

I am so nervous.

:-/

Posers

So no one laughed at my photosynthesis presentation except for my TA.

Well, on Thursday we all gave our final presentations on various experiments we conducted over the semester. And behold! EVERYONE copied me. Everyone had meme's galore throughout their presentation. I'm like really? Way to be original! At least I know I set the bar. In the case of nerds vs. Vanessa, I win!

In other news, final lab grade went up yesterday. Combined with lecture and lab, it looks like I'm walking into my final with a 93%. So unless I bomb my final (which I wont), I'm pretty much guaranteed an A!

:D

Can someone introduce me to this guy?!

Nothing is more awkward than sorting through your undergarments at the laundry mat in front of a male stranger.

I'd like to think that if I'm going to let a man see my undergarments, it's going to require a couple of dates and  some effort on his part.

However, apparently I'm a floozy and any dude at the laundry mat can just see my undergarments.

:(

Best Weekend Ever

This has been the best weekend ever since I've been here in Tempe...and it's only Saturday!

Yesterday after class my friend Jacob (my only friend here) asked if I would go with him down to the Phoenix campus to take care of some pre-semester errands/business. I had nothing to do, so I went along for the ride. We took the light rail so we could time it. I'll be taking Chemistry this fall at the Downtown campus, so I thought it would be beneficial to know how long it's going to take me. This was all around 12:30.

When we got back around 2pm we decided to go to the brewery down the street for some pizza and drinks. By the time we got back to my apartment it was about 4:30. Took care of some business here, then we decided to see the new Batman movie at 7:10. Headed to the mall and killed about an hour. Dark Knight Rises was almost 3 hours long?! You kidding me!? The first hour dragged, then it got good...And I'm just gonna say it, but Anne Hathaway was hot! Seriously motivated me to work out more!

Well, after we got out of the movie we came back to my apartment and decided to dig into the Irish Car bomb cupcakes I made for my downstairs neighbors. As an aside, I also have a funny story about how I met my downstairs neighbors I will tell in a bit. I have a complete bar in my apartment. Minus the tequila I need to buy and a couple mixers, I have everything you need for a good night. I don't drink on my own and I don't drink more often than maybe once every 1-2 months. Well, after eating the Irish Car Bomb cupcakes, we decided it would be a good idea to make Irish Car Bombs. The only limiting factor? I don't have shot glasses. I don't even have real glasses. I use 2 mason jars to drink water out of. (Times are hard, man.) So we went on a wild hunt to the various liquor stores in my neighborhood looking for shot glasses to no avail. So we got creative and used lids.

...3 Irish Car Bombs later and we got into a round of drunken YouTube karaoke until 2:30 in the morning. Finally, Jacob left and I decided I needed a burrito. This is drunken logic, and very good logic. When you are drunk, you always need a burrito. It's a fact. It's science. Can't argue with science. When I got home (at 3:30 in the morning) my neighbors were on their balcony smoking cigarettes and drinking. They invited me up for a drink, and i accepted the offer. So I hung out there getting to know my neighbors until about 5 in the morning.

The best part? No hang over, fully functioning, and churning out lab reports as we speak. Oh and when I woke up, I found out grades for the last exam had posted. Guess what? I FINALLY got a high A!

Dropped my dog off at the groomers this morning, headed to Trader Joe's to do some shopping, ran my errands, saved the world and all that jazz. Oh! And the guy checking me out at Trader Joe's totally thought I was 23! Thank you Doctor Perricone!Now I just got home, and my friend Alvin text me saying Nekromantix are in town and asked if I wanted to go. I met Alvin when I toured with the Horrorpops, he now works for Nekromantix as their tech. Tonight's show is Nekromantix, Lower Class Brats, Casualties, and Flatfoot 56. Seriously stoked! Last weekend I saw Old Man Markley. I've missed these shows and it'll be good to see an old touring buddy.

The only way this weekend could get any better is if I won the lottery. :)

p.s.

I have an exam in 12 hours.

I haven't even started studying.

FML!

Little Dude

This is my little dude.

How cute is he? He waits right here every night as a I study. I love my little dude. :)

I was having a bad day today.

Well, stressful day. It's been/going to be a stressful week.

However, when I was walking home from school a group of about 10 shirtless guys ran past me. They were all really, really hot.

So now I guess my day wasn't so bad.

:)

I love this song. Plain and simple. This is hands down my favorite song ever and the Foo Fighters win as my favorite band ever. Sadly, I've never seen them live. Dave Grohl is the one rockstar I never met. I know many people who have met him and know him; they all say he is the nicest guy in the world. It's easier to pay attention to the lyrics in this acoustic version. I'm a fan of both the acoustic and the full electric version, however this version just seems to get the point across.

"And I wonder...If everything could ever feel this real forever? If anything can ever be this good again?" I've had so many nights where I've felt like this. On tour, in relationships...etc. Those nights where you have this amazing high from everything being perfect. Nothing lasts forever. I feel it's important to really savor those good moments, appreciate them, and store them in your memory vault. I like to think that when we die and our life is played back before our eyes, that it's these moments in our memory vault that get played back.

I've been working on the railroad...

...Actually I haven't been working on the railroad.

I have been working on a presentation and a research paper all day though.Why they are making us do a presentation on photosynthesis is beyond me. Photosynthesis is the most dry, boring topic in all of biology. I know it's the basis of all life, but does it have to be so boring? I decided to take a bunch of funny pictures from Memebase.org and Icanhazcheezburger.com to lighten it up. Honestly, why do presentations have to be so dry and dull all the time? And why do the "smart" kids have no personality? Lighten up a little bit. I know people look at me and think I'm dumb or a ditz because of the way I carry myself. Sorry dudes, I actually have a personality! That's something you can't "learn" from a book....Well, maybe you can? I dunno. Stand-Up for dummies?!Hmmm....

On the bright side, my research paper is on the conjugation and transformation of E.coli in the presence of plasmids. So that 's fun.

Is it gross that when I have a full day of work, I just wake up and get going? I don't change out of my pajama's and I don't even shower until the afternoon. Well, you're not a loser if you sit around all day in your pajama's doing research. Right?...Right?!?!

I get the worst post-test anxiety. After every exam I walk out thinking that I failed. If it's a course where the scores are posted online, I check to see if the scores have been updated at least 5 times a day.

Someone needs to slap me or something.

In other news, my dog doesn't have asthma! yay! He just has really bad allergies. boo. The vet advised me to give him a quarter of a benedryl a day. This benedryl has also helped calm him down when I leave so he doesn't bark as much. This is a win-win situation for both of us. :)

Also, yesterday I went to Trader Joe's to get groceries for the week. I usually do my shopping on Sunday, but this past Sunday I still had food in my fridge. I decided to stretch it until I only had the option of eating oatmeal or brown rice. I really only bought fruit, vegetables, nuts, coconut water and 2 pieces of Salmon. Well, two bags worth of stuff later and I spent $75 dollars! Granted, most of it was organic and organic really adds up. But still! $75 for a SINGLE person. Just basics. I didn't get anything fancy, I didn't get any snacks. I seriously just got fruit, vegetables, nuts, coconut water and 2 pieces of Salmon! I know I shouldn't publicly voice my opinions through any type of social media, but the government seriously wants to keep us all fat and uneducated. That's why you can buy a bunch of boxed pizza and potato chips and spend less than $20. But when you actually want to eat real food it costs you an arm and a leg. Sick people and uneducated people are easier to manipulate. And this concludes my angry rant about being a broke college student trying to live a healthy lifestyle!

(Wo)man's Best Friend

I adopted a dog the first week I moved to Tempe. Since I'm living alone I wanted a little companion who would be happy to see me when I got home, and go on hikes with me. So I adopted a 5 year old Maltese named Snickers.

I really wanted to change his name to George, however while I was trying to train him, I noticed he would only respond to Snickers. If I called him George, my training attempts would prove futile. So I started calling him Snicker doodle, Snicker-George, and now I just call him my "little dude."

I love this little dude. He follows me everywhere and he sleeps with his back against my back like a little human. The only issue I have with him is his severe separation anxiety when I leave the apartment. He barks non-stop until I return. I've tried everything, seriously. Positive reinforcement, giving him a treat before I leave, not making eye contact and sneaking out, spray bottle, this machine that emits a sound whenever he barks, and nothing has worked. I know I just need to spend more time with him and train him, but with school right now it's just not realistic.

Besides the amount of time that goes into adopting a rescue dog, I never realized how much money goes into them. All of my money has gone to this little dude. This past Friday I took him into the vet for a teeth cleaning, and I got a phone call saying he had a severe Otitis Interna due to yeast buildup. I've only had him for about 2.5 weeks, and I did notice him wiggling around on that side and stroking his head, but I just attributed that to his cuteness. I felt like an awful pet parent. How could I not know he had Otitis Interna (inner ear infection-BTW)? On top of that all, because of the infection he had developed a plug of black ear wax. My poor little dude! :( So now he is on an ear wash and antibiotic ointment regimen which he hates!

As if his ear infection wasn't bad enough, I have come to suspect that he has asthma and/or bronchitis. On occasion when we go for long walks he will heave. It's always a passing phenomena so I thought nothing of it. Today however, he has heaved 4 times in a row. I accustom this to a higher level of allergens in the air due to Saturday's sand storm (yes, I finally experienced an apocalyptic sand storm). So today I am taking him back to the vet. My poor little dude. :(

Say I Won't

The new Gaslight Anthem comes out on Tuesday and I am super excited. The Gaslight Anthem is probably one of the only bands still putting out music that I like. This is one of my (many) favorite songs of theirs.

P.T.T.S.

Post-Traumatic Test Syndrome


An anxiety disorder resulting from a test that kicked ones ass to the highest degree. Symptoms usually include depression, flashbacks, and binge drinking. 

Post traumatic test syndrome or P.T.T.S ranks highest among college students.




*Taken from www.urbandictionary.com

So Cool

Happy Monday!

I know, I know...Happy Monday is an oxymoron.

I was able to get all my studying in at a reasonable hour last night which allowed me to get a solid 6 hours of sleep. I'm feeling pretty darn good this morning! I woke up at 7, did an hour of review, took the dog for a walk and got ready. I'm even wearing a pretty dress. Why am I wearing a pretty dress to my Biology exam of doom? I take my logic from Dropkick Murphy's sound guy...

When I was on tour with Dropkick Murphy's their sound guy always wore a suit as he did sound for their set. When we asked him why he always dressed up, he said "when you look good, you feel good, and you perform your best." So I'm wearing a pretty polka dot dress to my exam and anyone who has an issue with that can shove it! I'm determined to obtain a super high score on this exam since my professor speaks to me as though I am a 6 year old child who doesn't understand English.

I have a tradition of coming home after an exam, cleaning up (because when I study, I don't clean), making myself a nice dinner and then going to bed early. It's sort of my treat to myself. Tonight I invited my one friend (hey, I've only been here two weeks!) here in Tempe to partake in the dinner portion of my post test dinner tradition. Now my one dilemma is to make Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes or not to make Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes? Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes? ;)

You Are My Sunshine

I can't get enough of this song. I wish I could find a version of this on vinyl. Every night I sing this to my dog and although I doubt he understands, I hope he feels the love in it. This song is so pretty that if I ever got married (in case you didn't know, I'm considering becoming a Doctor nun...but that's a whole different blog), I would want to play this song at my wedding...




...or this song.



...or both!

Week 1

I've been meaning to post about school, being that I started at ASU exactly a week ago. However, I really don't know what to write. School is school. I won't know if it's "difficult" until the first exam on Monday. I feel as though I have a pretty good handle on everything.

One thing I will tell you, is that this heat is ridiculous. I walk to school everyday, since you can pretty much see the campus from my apartment. Walking 3/4 of a mile is not bad at all. Unless you are doing it in an average of 108 degree heat. I come home drenched in sweat every day and no amount of sunblock is enough. I've begun to take three baths a day. The first is my early morning bath in sunblock, followed by my afternoon sweat bath, and I end my evenings with a lukewarm shower. Like I said in my last post, I have literally MELTED away 10 pounds in the week I have been here. So I suppose that is a plus!

So I lied, I guess I do have something I want to post about. This is probably going to be a downer, but the reason I set this blog up was to be realistic and honest about my educational experience so that one day I can look back on my struggles and accomplishments.

I've been finding myself experiencing freak outs of grandeur as of late. More like extreme self-doubt, and a looming sense of failure. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but I am no genius. I'm a retard pretending to be intelligent. While I have done and am doing extremely well, I still have this little voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm not going to survive this and that I will never get into Medical School. One thing that really upsets me...Well, not upsets. Irks me rather. One thing that really irks me, is when I do have these feelings of self-doubt, and people tell me "you can do it", "it's ok, you're gonna do fine!" or "you're smart, don't give up!" Really? I know in "theory" I can do it and I'm smart. When people try to give me pep talks I really just want to say "F*$# you." Not that I'm an angry, ungrateful person. I actually consider myself a very happy, appreciative person. It's just that sometimes I want someone to validate my feelings. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me that what I'm doing is hard, scary, and sucks!

So here I am. Preparing for this first exam. Which I am mortified of. I always freak out before the first exam and the final exam. Am I just neurotic? I remember before my Physiology final I was freaking out and one of my friends said to me, "you always freak out before the final, but you always get an A. I think you can afford to chill out." I think I really do need to chill out.

I don't know what it is. I've always had this fear of failure. Even when I was in Rocket and Civet, I always had a feeling that I was on the chopping block. I always had a feeling that I was going to be cut. The same is true in terms of my academic career. I always have a feeling that I am going to fail. No matter what I do, I can never shake that feeling.

However, failure is never an option.

I am currently trying to studying in the midst of my first monsoon. It looks as though the lightening is striking right in front of my balcony. I had no idea it was even going on. As I was studying, I thought I had seen random flashes of light through the window, but just assumed I was having hallucinations from studying too long. Then out of nowhere, it was as though the clouds burst and it began to rain. This was followed by wind. I just wish I wasn't alone during this storm.I do have my dog, but all he can really do is wag his tail and look cute. :(

In other news!

Due to the immense heat, I have literally melted off 10 pounds. MELTED. Seriously ladies. Looking to loose those last 10 pounds? I've devised a special miracle diet! Spend a week walking a mile to and from school in the Arizona heat and melt those pounds away! This diet is currently under Patent Pending.

*during the time I wrote this, we had rumbling earthquake like thunder.

**during that last note, I could have sworn I saw lightening strike sideways.

:(

Photo dump

This was my rehearsal space for 4 years. Right around the corner from Skid Row and across the street from a strip club.

 LA traffic on the 101. I will weirdly miss this.

 My old house in Fontana, where I grew up. I just felt the need to drive by before I left.

 Laslty, this is Mozart. The love of my life. I am going to miss this little guy so much. Mostly, I will miss how excited he would get when I came home and how he liked to sit by my feet as I studied. This dog is the happiest dog I've ever met and has so much personality. I miss him already. :(

You never realize how much stuff you have until you begin to pack it all into tiny boxes.

Too late now...

I've been watching too many videos of the Phoenix monsoons and am now regretting my decision to go to school there.




Thunder and lightening storms, hot and heavy rainfall, dust storms, tornadoes...Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I'm seriously terrified.

Sarcasm

Lately I've noticed my sarcasm has been getting me into a bit of trouble. People either misinterpret it or can't handle it and become uneasy. Apparently I've watched too many Will Ferrell movies, because I've come to notice my humor is entirely sarcasm based. Really, I just think these people are uptight and need to relax. Also, I should probably tone down my sarcasm. See! I AM capable of compromise!

Also, 3 official California days left. 4 days until I leave.

:(

Here's video of a sandstorm in Phoenix two weeks ago. 

Disneyland

 I went to Disneyland today, and I was scared!

My bar...

So my bar is as stocked as it is going to get before I leave. I think I have a pretty solid mix here. And judging from my schedule this fall, I'm going to need ALL of it! Actually, I'm not a heavy drinker anymore. I'm more of a glass of wine person. Unless it's a special event or I just finished a stressful exam. Then, It's on! I really do enjoy entertaining though, so my bar that I wish to stock is just for that. Nothing makes me happier than cooking and entertaining people I care about. Plus, nothing makes you friends or gets people to come visit you faster than by offering free booze. I'm very strategic. :)

10 days left! 

Here's today's video:

Alpine Breeze

I noticed this morning that the flavor of my toothpaste was "Alpine Breeze." Really? How do you turn Alpine Breeze into a flavor? What's next for toothpaste flavors, Morning Dew? Evening Monsoon? Mmmmm...Evening Monsoon.

Random

This is my dog Mozart. I've never loved a dog as much as I love this little guy. I've trained him and turned him in to a polite young fellow. I think I'm most sad to leave him behind. :(

 It was hot at graduation, and the sweat made my bangs all funky. Either way, this is me and a friend after the ceremony. Step 1 complete! I'm 25% closer to my goal!

Also, here's my video for today!

Is it wrong that I am more concerned with having a fully stocked bar in my apartment than purchasing the necessary appliances? I figure it's easier to entice people to come visit me with free booze than a state of the art microwave!

Also I'm still looking for a maltese puppy. It has to be a boy, because I want him to wear a bow tie.

:)

11 days!

Grades are up...

Grades are up and I did it!!! 4.0 this term, meaning I pulled an A in Physiology! I am so happy! I kept my 4.0 science GPA and left with a bang! I'm so excited, I could go to Disneyland....Oh wait, I am going to Disneyland. Can this day get any better?!

:D

13 Days...

I have two weeks of absolutely nothing! Nothing? What am I supposed to do with nothing? Well, I actually  have plenty to do. It's just that having nothing to study for is a very weird feeling. I still feel the need to study for something. I liken it to that feeling you get when you've been swimming all day. After you exit the pool, you swear you still feel as though you're in water.

The next two weeks should be fun actually. I think I have everyday/night lined up with something. I'm trying to make all my rounds and see everyone I care about before I leave. At the same time, I need to pack and make sure my car is in good shape to make the drive.

Today I slept in, which is nice. I have not had a descent nights sleep since before finals week.

On today's agenda:

-Complete all my student loan documents

-Hike

-Car wash

-Oil Change

-Clean room 

-Get rid of everything I don't use and give it to goodwill

-Start packing

-Have dinner with a friend

I have a feeling my 13 days left will be just as packed, if not more.

13 days.

Oh my goodness!!


 

I love Chemistry/Physics cat

I resent this...but still find it amusing!

I came to LA to play rock and roll

It's over...and I think I bombed my Physiology final...I had an A, and only needed to get a B on the final to maintain that. However, I realize now that I made many small mistakes that might add up. This might blow my 4.0 core science GPA. I know it sounds neurotic, and OCD of me, but I really will be upset if I end up with a B in Physiology. I have to wait until Wednesday to see my final grade. :(

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was by my vocal coach when I was 21. She always said "audition, and then forget." Meaning, when you audition for a part don't dwell on what you could have done better once it's over. I feel this piece of advice is perfect for this situation. It is what it is.

On another note; today marks 16 days left in California. Which makes me really sad. :(

Everyday until I leave I will be posting a song about LA or California.Here's the first one which I think represents my 6 years in LA quite well.

24 hours until freedom (for 3 weeks). Until then, I am entitled to be hypertensive and neurotic.

This really has been the hardest final to study for. Not because the material is difficult, but because I am burnt    out and ready to move.

Okay. Time to buckle down.

I wish I had a photographic memory instead of the pea brain I was born with.

:(

Me Vanessa. When me have too much information fit in brain, me speak like cave woman.

I can't stop watching sappy love songs on you tube. PMS anyone? Where's my chocolate stash!?

Health Nut

I've been on a health kick lately. Gotta get ready for all the tubing I'm going to be doing in Arizona! Anyhow, I've incorporated raw foods back into my daily diet. I'm nowhere near becoming a "raw foodist" again; however, I do try to eat raw as much as possible. Tonight I'm having poached salmon topped with a pineapple/avocado salsa with a side of raw zucchini spaghetti topped with raw cashew/basil pesto. I made the salmon last night, so tonight I just whipped up the pesto. Which I just tasted right now and It's delicious!! Here are the recipes for the pesto and pineapple salsa (random combo. I know). Also, you should know that I hate measuring. So when I made these I just shoved all the ingredients in a bowl together and added more of less of things to suit my taste.

Raw Cashew and Basil Pesto
3–3½ tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 large clove garlic
¾ tsp dry mustard
¾ tsp sea salt
freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 tbsp water
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil (optional, for oil-free version add 1-2 tbsp extra water)
1 cup + 1–2 tbsp raw cashews (soaked for an hour)
2½–2¾ cups (packed) fresh basil leaves and tender stems

* Basically, I just dumped all this stuff in my blender and pulverized it.

Pineapple Avocado Salsa

1 tablespoon lime juice

1 tablespoon honey (I used agave)

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 small jalapeno, seeds removed and diced

1 tomato

1/4 fresh pineapple diced into cubes

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

1/2 red onion, finely chopped

1 clove fresh garlic

1 medium avocado, halved, pitted and flesh cubed

2 tablespoons minced cilantro leaves

Again. I didn't measure anything when I made it. I just chopped everything up into little pieces and put it in a bowl. I did however wait until the very end to add the avocado and folded it in gently. I wanted pineapple avocado salsa, not really interested in pineapple guacamole.

As for the poached salmon. Just take some water, put it in a pan with some salt and pepper, and wait for it to simmer. Add the salmon and flip it once it's changed color. Poaching salmon literally takes no more than 10 minutes to cook.

The zucchini spaghetti. You just take zucchini through a sprializer. I don't have a spiralizer so I grate it into long, skinny pieces. I know it's ghetto, but you have to make do with what you have.

And if I don't make it as a doctor, at least I know I can always start a cooking blog called "The Ghetto Kitchen."

I should be studying, but I can't stop listening to 1930's-1940's love songs on YouTube.

So what if I'm a hopeless romantic?!

Don't judge me. :(

Zombie Apocalypse

I'm sure by now everyone has heard of this so called "Zombie Attack." I had no idea what it was until a friend of mine texted me this hilarious image. Granted, what happened is not hilarious but rather gruesome. I do find the whole Zombie Apocalypse notion rather hilarious. I immediately started to think there was an outbreak of Kuru or some sort of prion in these "bath salts." Yes, I've become a hypochondriac. I can't help it! Either way, today the CDC confirmed that there is no Zombie Apocalypse virus outbreak. Phew!

BTW- How do you get a job at the CDC? If I don't get into Medical School I totally would not mind working for the CDC. It would be like being in the movie outbreak or 28 days later. How rad would that be?! I mean, aside from having to go into quarantine and all my friends becoming zombies...

I got my last Physiology midterm back today and I got an A! YAY! I'm on fire! Hopefully I aced my final practical today and will ace that final. I'm not even worried about my other classes at this point. Looks like I will be leaving community college with a bang! :D

btw- I'm completely obsessed with "Boo - the worlds cutest dog" and "Mishka - the talking huskie." If you don't know who these dogs are, do yourself a favor and google them.

You are welcome.

How did it take me 27 years to discover the blues? I'm not a fan of Chicago blues or really anything with an electric guitar. However, I do love the simplicity and honesty of Memphis and Mississippi Delta Blues. After spending so much time in music, you start to realize that everything is trying to sound like someone else. Everyone is trying to fill a niche and nothing has any integrity or honesty anymore. I've found myself looking to older music rather than trying to discover "new" music. There is a wealth of music out there that I haven't even begun to tap into. Musical discoveries still get me as excited as they did back when I was 12 years old. Once a musician, always a musician. :)

This is the last week of instruction for me at Citrus and the first round of finals (lab practicals and what not). I'm both excited and sad. I've spent the past 16 months in the same lecture hall and now its over. I'm moving on up and shipping out! Now hopefully I can get an A on my last Physiology practical tomorrow...So far I'm 2 for 2. Let's make it 3 for 3!

Sometimes I come home from a long, exhausting day and all I want to do is go to sleep. Then, when it's time to go to sleep I become wide awake and fully functional. Seriously, what up with that?

 

Whenever we get to the reproductive section of whatever Biology course I take, all of us turn into immature 12 year olds. It's nice to know that when it comes to sex, we never grow up.

I managed an A on my lab practical! It was a low A. But, hey! An A is an A. Like I always say, I will take any type of A I can get! :D

Now I'm just waiting on my lecture exam results. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Adventures of Power

About 6 years ago I did an indie film about air drumming by the name of "Adventures of Power." I never saw it and never heard anything about it after filming. It wasn't until recently that a friend wrote me and asked if I was in that film that I even thought about it. So tonight I decided to stream it on NetFlix. It's pretty funny, actually. The best part was the fact that I was able to work with Samantha Maloney (drummer of Hole, and Eagles of Death Metal for a moment) and Neil Pert! Seriously! I was on set with Neil Pert! Oh, the things I did in my youth. Even though I never hit "super stardom," I really have been able to check off every single one of my little girl dreams. One of which being to film a movie, even if my total screen time was a whopping 2 minutes.

Next on my list of little girl dreams:

-Finish my B.S.

-Get into Med-School

-Become a Doctor

-Get married (this is optional)

-Have/adopt kids

Check out the trailer for Adventures of Power below.

TCB

I came. I saw. I conquered. 

I spent this past weekend in Arizona finalizing everything. On the agenda was taking care of all things necessary to set my major in stone and finding an apartment. Both were successfully completed. I wasn't able to secure my number one apartment choice (Caban on McClintock), due to the fact that what I needed wouldn't be available until August. This proved to be the case at EVERY apartment complex I looked at. However, I am very happy with the apartment I was able to secure. It's walking distance to the Tempe campus and it has a balcony where I can sit and drink sangria on hot summer days. Plus, it's across the street from Chompies! 

Chompies is a restaurant/deli I would always visit when I toured through Tempe. So if any of my tour friends ever roll through town they can stay with me, and in the morning walk over to have breakfast at Chompies!

I leave July 1st, which is starting to make me really sad. :(

btw-Apparently tubing down the Colorado river is the big thing to do in Arizona...I'm gonna have to get my floaties on (I can't swim) and partake in this recreational activity.

N.E.R.D.

You know what's cool? I had my yearly physical exam today, and I understood all the tests done on me.

Half of these I had to calculate on my last Physiology practical and now today my own were calculated. How rad, huh?! Yes, I am a nerd! Calculating my own mean corpuscle volume is thrilling to me.

I also told my Doctor I was leaving to go to school. She asked me my major and when I told her Microbio she replied, "Why would you major in that?!You like that?!"  :-/  I mean, it's not Astrophysics...

Over...For Now...

Just finished my last round of exams until finals....which are in 3 weeks. I'm already having post-traumatic-test disorder. I know I bombed my PR-Interval calculation on the EKG portion of my Physiology lab practical. I did mm x mm/secs. How big of a retard am I? If I'm solving for secs it should have been mm x secs/mm ...Oh well, what can you do?

And, I THINK all the WBC scopes were on Basophils. They seriously all looked just like this:

Only they were so tiny!I don't know if my professor is that nice or if he really is that evil. I must have looked through every microscope at least 4 times. Yeah, 4 times. I walked down the line and wrote my answers. Then I went back to compare slides. Then I got really confused and kept checking to make sure they really were all the same slide! I wasn't sure if  my mind was playing tricks on me. They were so tiny I could not see anything but magenta/burgundy granules. UUGGGHHH!I just hope I didn't make any other careless mistakes that will result in the loss of a huge chunk of points. Seriously. F me.

Don't wanna do it alone...

Remember the band Sugarcult? There is this latin/cumbia club on Sunset and Figueroa in Los Angeles. It's famous, everyone drives past it, however very few people in my circle of friends have ever been inside. My friend Stephanie did her thesis on Cumbia music and for her birthday we all went to the famous "Los Globos" on Sunset. I then remembered the Sugarcult video that was filmed there. I loved Sugarcult. Still do. I remember when I played with them at the HOB with Rocket; I tried to hit on Aaron, the bass player...Well, I tried to flirt...From afar...I blew him a kiss. I'm really bad at flirting or hitting on guys, period. Then I would try to comment on his MySpace and send him messages. He was nice and would respond, but my flirting got me nowhere! Ultimately, I was REJECTED! I was about 22. I still think it's really funny!

 

This is a picture of me and my family (minus my brother). I consider myself pretty lucky in that I still have both my parents and we are able to remain close as a family. It breaks my heart when I have to discharge a patient and they haven't any family to care for them or take them home. Sometimes I just want to tell them I'll be their family!...However, I know how impossible it would be to offer that to everyone.

I had a patient I wasn't exactly prepared for yesterday. I won't go into details (I could get fired!) but needless to say, as soon as I walked in the room and saw what I was dealing with my expression must have given away that I wasn't prepared for him. I immediately felt awful and guilty (it's the Catholic in me. We feel guilty for everything). I tried everything I could to lighten up the situation, but I still felt guilty for my initial response. He hopped in a car to Louisiana, and I just hope he made it there alright. He didn't seem in any condition for such a long road trip, but he was going "home." I just really hope he made it home.

I know that after a while, patients won't have as large an impact on me as they do at this stage. However, I don't see how that can happen. Maybe once I'm dealing with 30+ patients a day, but even then. We are all human beings and we all deserve a little bit of compassion.

On another note...This week has been rather rough. I feel as though death is constantly surrounding me. Life is so short. Too short in my opinion. It's such a shame people waste their lives on petty things. Holding grudges, taking others for granted, letting opportunities pass you by. Make amends while you still can. Tell everyone you care about that you love them. Take every opportunity that comes your way. Don't live in fear of the "what if," just go for it. Even if you do something and regret it, you would have regretted not doing it even more. I feel it would benefit everyone to spend some time in a hospital or hospice. It really puts things into perspective and makes you appreciate what you have. Take advantage of everything now, because tomorrow and second chances are not guaranteed.

Some Like It Raw

Human beings are creatures of habit, and I am no exception to this rule. I consider myself a pretty health conscious person. I do my best to eat right and exercise. With the emphasis on the "eating right" part. I love food. Nothing makes me happier than a nice sit down meal. Usually around midterms, my eating habits become  slightly thwarted. When I need a break, I get up and snack. Hence, usually around these times I end up gaining about 5 pounds. Once the stress is over, I'll do a cleanse. Usually the Blue Print Cleanse. (www.blueprintcleanse.com)

I love the Blue Print Cleanse. My friend Jacqui introduced me to this cleanse. It consists of 6 pre-made juices, mail delivered to you in 3 day increments. You can do it for one day, or you can do it for a whole month. I prefer to stick with just the 3 days. Last time I did it, I tried to go for 4 days and ended up eating a salad in the middle of it. So I think I've learned my max without chewing anything solid is a good 3 days. After just having finished my Physiology midterm, I'm in dire need of one of these cleanses. However, it is expensive. With my move coming up, $250 on a 3 day cleanse right now is not possible. I need that money for my move. So I've decided to go back to a raw foods diet.

When I lived on my own and had a really good job, I ate a predominantly raw foods diet. My plan was Monday-Friday raw foods, weekends whatever I wanted (keeping it healthy). I never felt better. I looked like I was 16, my skin was perfect, my mood was constantly elevated, and I had enough energy to train for half marathons. It was great. The only downfall to this type of diet is that it does get rather pricey. Raw nuts, organic fruits and vegetables, and all the supplements are expensive. (It makes me really angry that it costs an arm and a leg to eat healthy, but you can buy junk at taco bell for $.99...If it were the opposite, people would be able to spend less $$ on health care..But that's a whole other blog entry) Once I moved back home a year ago when I returned to school, my income became about 25% of what I had become accustom to. So my lifestyle and eating habits had to change accordingly.

I feel slightly hypocritical at times. I'm an advocate for a healthy lifestyle yet, my eating habits are not perfect and I don't exercise as much as I should. I feel if I want people to live healthy lifestyles, I need to live a healthy lifestyle. So, I am returning to the predominantly raw foods lifestyle. It is pricey, however you can not put a price tag on your health. If you take care of yourself, you can live a long and healthy life without the same problems that ailed our grandparents. It's all about prevention and proper nutrition is the BEST preventative medicine. I just need to practice what I preach much more consistently. So back on the raw foods I go. I know people think a raw food diet must consists of pure rabbit food, but just take a look at these cupcakes. They're made from raw chocolate! How yummy do they look?!

You can find the recipe here!

Oh, yeah. I changed my major to MicroBio. Giardi Lamblia anyone?

Baby We Were Born To Run!

Another exam down. It was actually easy. I hate when they do that to you. I hate when you study your butt off and they go easy on you! But hey, I'll take what I can get! I'm trying to get myself up to exercise, but I am EXHAUSTED! I drank four cups of coffee last night and slept maybe two hours. I have to stop doing this. I met with a friend last night to study and we both mentioned how after every exam we say that the next exam is going to be the one we are prepared for. The next exam is the exam we are going to study every night for. The truth of the matter is, I do study almost every night. It's just that nothing sticks unless I'm in high stress mode. Go figure.

I was also talking to my supplemental instruction leader (who is now a music major), about how I feel everyone going into high stress majors should have performance experience. Really, learning how to audition and my musical/theatrical past has really helped me prepare for an exam. It's really no different. You rehearse and practice before an audition or a big performance. When it comes time to your performance, you throw that all out the window and just let everything flow right out of you. The same goes for taking an exam. You study as much as you can and try to understand/grasp the material. Once you walk in to take the exam, you take a deep breath and let the information flow out of you. At least this is how I approach an exam. I am thankful I have learned how to control my nerves under high stress situations. I see a lot of people not doing as well as they should in my courses simply due to not being able to relax and perform under pressure.

As of today there are 3 weeks left of instruction before finals. This semester has gone by at light speed. Is this what it feels like to get older? Time just passes by with the snap of a finger? Maybe this semester went by so fast because I've had to deal with the transfer, moving and all that. I don't know. I just can't believe I only have 3 weeks left!

I'm ready to move onward and upward!

Simplified version of what I'm working on tonight.

It's 11pm...Do you know where your cytotoxic T-Cells are?

Stoked!

My orthodontist placed rubber bands put on my braces today. I've only had my braces 3 months, so this is pretty great. If my teeth keep shifting at the rate they are currently shifting, I predict I will have my braces off in time for my birthday and Thanksgiving. They won't be off in time for my brothers wedding, but that's ok...I'll take what I can get at this point!

......aaaaaannnnnddd now I'm off to study for my Physiology exam that is going to massacre me tomorrow. Peace out!

Happy Mother's Day!

The other day I went out with my family to celebrate my sisters birthday over dinner. I don't know how it came about but I mentioned how I really enjoyed reading my brother's fiance's Facebook updates because they are funny. She then told me that she had actually mentioned to my mom that she loved to read my Facebook updates because they were funny. To which my mom replied, "Really? I've never heard her be funny." Apparently, my mom thinks I am not funny at all. So then I told her, "Yeah, mom. I'm really funny. I could be a comedian with how funny I am." Then she proceeded to laugh hysterically.

Happy Mother's day to my mom...Thank you for always believing in me!

Microbiology vs. Nutrition

Gah! I keep going back and forth on majors. I know that a major in Nutrition would be easy for me. I know it would be easy to maintain a high GPA in that major, and also it's a major I use every day. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an advocate for proper nutrition and a healthy lifestyle. However, there is something about Microbiology that keeps calling my name. I LOVED that class. Love, love love. Anything having to deal with diseases, bacteria, immunology, viruses, fungi...etc. I just LOVE! It's so interesting to me. It's like little miniature warfare. You wash your hands too much and bacteria that shouldn't be there can invade and take over and cause a staph infection. Then you gotta come in with your army of chemotherapeutics and ATTACK! My only concern is that, realistically, I am not that smart. I know it will take a lot of work for me to complete a degree in Microbiology and maintain my current 3.8 GPA. What is appealing, is that I feel a high (or even a 3.4/3.5) GPA in Microbiology might make me a more competitive Medical School applicant than a high GPA in Nutrition. I guess I will wait until the 25th when I meet with my academic advisor at ASU and see what they suggest.

AAMC expects 30% medical school enrollment increase

"AAMC expects 30% medical school enrollment increase"

The news just keeps getting better and better for me. First, I read about 3-year accelerated programs for students interested in Family Practice, Pediatrics, Internal Medicine...etc. Next, I read that enrollment is set to increase about 30%. Which will boost the 4% admission rate to about 6%. (I'm not sure on exact numbers, but I know they are very low) Still! Any increase is positive and boosts my chances of admittance. Sometimes I stop in amazement to think that I am going to be a Doctor. I'm not anywhere near achieving the goal, but I'm on my way. As long as I keep focused and committed, I will get there.

This is a photo of me catching the bouquet at my friends Nathan & Monica's wedding. Which is actually a funny story. The bouquet fell in that pool of water you see in the photo. So being logical me, I ran around the perimeter of the pool to pull it out of the water. Well, I don't know how but I slipped. Then as i tried to compose myself, I fell backwards in the pool and flashed everyone. Once I got up and processed what had happened, I had forgotten about the bouquet. Then I saw it still in the pool, but at this point there was another girl closer to it and ready to grab it. At this point, I was in the pool. There was no way I was going to let anyone grab that thing being that I was already soaked and in the pool. The bouquet was mine out of principal! So I snatched it! Probably one of the funniest moment of my life and hopefully a funny memory for both Nathan and Monica.

Apparently catching the bouquet means I'm supposed to be married in about a year, according to a friend of mine. To quote his exact words, "have fun now, because you are sure to be married in a year." To which I simply say "HAH!"

3 year degree

Med School on the fast track

The link above is to an article I stumbled across today about 3-year accelerated M.D./D.O. programs. While I need to do more research, I am very intrigued. I would definitely be interested in completing a 3 year degree, especially since they are geared towards both specialties I'm looking into - Internal Medicine or Pediatrics.This is very exciting as it would make up for the extra year I will be spending in undergrad and still allow me to reach my goal of becoming a Doctor by the age of 33. I still need to do more research on these programs, but needless to say, this article has piqued my interest!

Wall of Men

So this is my blog. I can do whatever I want with it. So I decided to post pictures of men I find attractive. Starting with Doctor Travis Stork. Who after researching, I found was on The Bachelor! Really?!?! Where the hell was I for the casting?! McDreamy right here.

Then we have Dr. Drew Pinsky, who I have had a crush on since I was at least 12....What can I say? I like 'em smart. I once went on a date with a med student who was the poor man's Dr. Drew. However, he was a bit full of himself and I couldn't deal with it. I later found, that many Doctors are indeed full of themselves. What can ya do?

I also like them funny. Hence, Jason Sudeikis. 

And Jason Segel who was adorable in The Muppets.

And lest we forget my first crush ever. The one. The only. Indiana Jones.

So, if you are a smart Doctor ,who is funny, and knows how to work a whip...Call me! ;-)

Drum Crazy

I love this scene from Easter Parade. My two favorite past times combined into one. I remember when I was at AMDA everyone in my tap class hated me. Well, they didn't hate me. But I do think it got annoying how I had very minimal tap dancing experience and would pick up on everything right away. Tap dancing is no different than drumming. It's rhythm you are playing with your feet. You have triplets, and double time. I would have loved to have gotten really good at it, I just never pursued it once I left AMDA. I can still do a really good triple time step though. :)

I'm getting into the grind of things. There are only about 6 weeks left of school. Next week I have my last Physiology midterm, followed by my 2nd to last lab practical the following week. After that I'll have a couple weeks to study up for finals. That 'A' on my lab practical really puts me in a good spot, I don't have to stress as much as I usually am at this point in the semester. I still need to work hard, but I don't need to kill myself to pull off my A in the class. All I need is a 'B' in lecture if I maintain my 'A' in lab. It's a good feeling. I don't think I've ever been in such a good position when it comes to my Sciences. Usually, at the end of the semester I am studying myself to the bone to pull off an A on my Final Exams just so that I can pull an A in the course. Honestly, I don't know how I've been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA in my Sciences. It was definitely by the skin of my teeth. But hey, an 'A' is an 'A', and I'll take whatever kind of 'A' I can get!

I win!

Upper right corner. That's right. 107 on my Physiology nightmare lab practical. Seriously. This practical might as well had been written in Chinese, that is how confused I was when I laid eyes on this thing. But I survived! 107 out of 115. It's an A on my first Physiology practical. Which means the rest will be a piece of cake. Bring it on!

All in all...

All in all...I have lived/am living an amazing life...How many people get to achieve all their goals? I have and I still am. Don't give up. If an awful drummer can tour the world with their favorite bands, and a retard who just barely graduated high school is excelling in college while on the pre-med track, then we really are limitless.

Don't cut yourself short. We get one life. Do it right!

I love you all!

Moving on up, to the east side!

So it's official. I am leaving California the end of June/beginning of July. Starting summer school at ASU July 5th. It's been a constant back and forth figuring everything out, trying to get my classes situated, and coming up with a plan that will allow me knock out all of my pre-med courses without overwhelming myself and letting my grades slip. I think I finally have solidified everything. My initial goal was to try and finish my B.S. in 2 years. I think that is what caused me to have my freak out a couple weeks ago. There is no way I will be ready for my MCAT in one year. Realistically, I won't be able to take my MCAT for at least a year and a half at the very soonest. At that point I'll have missed the Fall of '14 application deadlines and would have to wait another year to apply anyway. So I figure, do it in 3 years. Save my sanity. Get better grades since I won't be stressing over having to double (or even triple) up my sciences and trying to remain competitive.

I just can't believe it's happening so soon. I did not expect to be leaving by the end of June! I thought I would at least be here until the summer. Funny how life throws you curve balls. I graduate from Citrus on the 16th, and my plan is to be in Phoenix sometime between the 23rd and 30th. I want to give myself ample time to become accustomed to the city, figure out how to get to all my classes, get my books...etc. But it's happening. This time last year when I started school I had a clear goal for the coming year. To know where I would be transferring and be in preparations for it. Well here we are. Goal #1 complete!

Leadbelly

I need to find this on vinyl somewhere!

H2O's video for "Nothing to Prove." If you scroll to 20secs, for a half a second, you'll get yours truly.

Younger Us

Today's study session was a day full of note card assembly. I find that it really helps me to remember what I read if I write down what I'm reading as I read it. Since I discovered this, I realized that note cards are the way to go. I write down the important information once, then I revisit it again in the form of a note card. It's all about repetition for me. I was able to complete one chapter of muscle physiology note cards today....4 more chapters to go!

I also discovered a new band today called Japandroids. My friend Phil used to be a music blogger/photographer so I felt the need to ask him about new music today. Japandroids reminds me of the music I listened to right after high school as I was transitioning from my Punk phase into my Indie phase. Well, here you go! Enjoy!

Education

Ok. So I had a freak out earlier this week. It happened and I am not going to deny or defend it. I've been doing a lot of reflecting and I've noticed some patterns in my life. Every time I've ever gone through a transition in my life, I've gone through some sort of freak out. However, every transition has lead to something amazing. And yes, I was terrified before/during every phase ,but I did it and great things happened. So I'm just looking to my past as a guide towards the future. I knew what I was in for when I started and just like anything, if I focus on how hard it is and how I don't think I'll survive then I wont survive. I'm taking it for what it is. Exam by exam. And if I have to work harder than everyone to get to med-school then so be it. In music I always said it's not talent that will get you far; but rather the passion, desire, and motivation to get there. I believe the same is true in the scholastic sense. There are those who are superbly intelligent. There are people who can read a book in two hours and memorize the whole thing. I'm not that person. I just have to remind myself that getting 100% on exams doesn't make you a good Doctor. A good Doctor is someone who genuinely cares for, listens to, and empathizes with their patients. It's hard. It's going to get harder. I just have to keep focused and determined.

I love membase.org

I Want You To Find Whatever Your Heart Beats....

Today on my drive to school I was listening to the college radio station (really, the only station to listen to in my opinion). It's rare I ever hear anything that inflicts a response, however this song by Delta Spirit did. I'm also partial to anything "California" as of late since I am moving soon. I have to admit, I really love this video. It reminds me of my teenage punk days, when all that mattered was going to shows and having a good time. It was definitely a fun time in my life. I just wish I wasn't so awkward and self conscious back then. Sometimes I feel as though I am more of a kid now. Maybe it's the growing up and life experiences that teach you how to appreciate everything and not to sweat the small things. I like to make a fool out of myself and be the comic relief now, whereas when I was 16, I felt the need to always play it cool. We gotta be able to laugh at ourselves, even in serious moments. If you can't laugh at yourself then what's the point of living? I hope that when I die and my life flashes before my eyes, that it's a comedy. And hopefully it's like that scene in Anchorman where Ron Burgundy jumps on the tables in the Jazz Club and whips out his Jazz flute! :)

on a lighter note

Don't Mind Me...I'm Just Freaking Out.

I don't know what's come over me. This whole week I've had the hardest time concentrating. Just getting settled and focused to start working has been a feat. The truth of the matter is, i am completely overwhelmed at this point. With trying to get everything situated for my transfer, keep up with all my classes, taking/preparing for my placement tests, work, and deciding between ASU or DePaul, it's getting to be a little much at this point.

I'm also having a bit of a freak out in regards to what the hell it is I am actually doing with myself. I'm not a genius. When I think of a Doctor or a Medical student I think of someone with a far greater mental capacity than I possess. I've begun to ask myself if I'm even cut out to be a Doctor, or is it the perpetual optimist in me that believes that "I can do anything!" I struggle to get the grades that I do. If I struggle at community college, how am I going to manage at the next level? Physics and Organic Chemistry are considerably more intense than General Bio and Human Anatomy/Physiology. Am I going to start my pre-med courses and then fail miserably?! Then assuming I make it to Med-School am I going to be able to survive that? At this point I have had to cut out my social life just to scrape on by. How am I going to do it at the next level? At times, I just feel flat out dumb. I honestly am so scared that I am not cut out for the road I'm embarking on. I'm trying to complete all my pre-med courses in 2 years, and take my MCAT sometime before the start of my second year.I don't know if I am actually capable of achieving such a daunting task. I don't know why this is all hitting me now. Honestly, I am so confused. 

I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself either. I guess I feel the need to make up for the 6 years I wasted playing drums. I feel as though, had I never dropped out of AMDA, I would at least have my B.F.A. Then all I would have to do is a post-bac and be done with it all. Although I know I shouldn't have regrets, I do. I know I've lived a life full of great experiences that most can only dream of. However, a part of me would love to give back all of that just to be in a better academic situation today. I know that everything in life happens for a reason, and everything plays out the way it's supposed to. However, I do wish I had made more rational, educated decisions in my early 20's. Giving up everything to live a rock n' roll life, while I was successful at it, was not the best decision I could have made for myself.

I guess I'm noticing a pattern here. I gave up everything to be a touring drummer, I gave up everything to become a Doctor...Coincidence? I think not...

It's not a competition

After reading my last post, I realize I might have come across a slight bit spastic. Truth of the matter is, when I'm exhausted I make no sense. So, I apologize about that.

I met with my academic advisor this past week to find out that I will be graduating this term with not one, but three Associates Degree's. Really? Three? When I first started school (10 year ago) i was set on majoring in music, so I took every music class imaginable. Then, when I returned I thought I wanted to be a Doctor, then I realized I didn't want to be in school for 10 years so I decided on Nursing. Once I decided on Nursing, I realized that no. I did not want to be a Nurse. I'm supposed to be a Doctor. So obviously my constant twists and turns left me with more classes than needed. So here I am with a surplus of Associates Degree's.

At first when I decided to actually file for graduation, I had no intention of participating in the ceremony. "What for?" I asked myself. I really feel as though an Associate Degree means nothing. But as I got to thinking about it. Obtaining my AS has taken me 10 years. I've worked my butt off to finish in this past year, what takes people about 2.5 years. Why not? This marks my transition from community college to an actual university as Pre-Med. Year and a half at community college, 2 years at ASU, then 4 years med-school. Which I really break down as 2 years classroom, 2 years clinical rotations. If I break it down in two year increments it doesn't seem as long.

I'm going to be sad leaving Citrus College. I've made so many friends here. I have friends that have been in every single one of my classes along the way. I never would have thought that such a high stress, competitive environment would actually foster strong friendships. I am not looking forward to the level of competitiveness in med school. I've heard so many horror stories from people about others sabotaging them. Such as moving microscopes to incorrect positions in lab practicals and giving misguided information while studying with others. Why do that? It just makes life so much harder than it needs to be. At Citrus I definitely have felt competition, but in a supportive way. It's a fun, friendly competition to see who can score higher on exams but at the same time helping others learn the material that needs to be learned. I'm thankful for all my time here and the amazing professors I have had the opportunity to study under.

Full Speed Ahead!

AHHH!!!!!!! It's started!! The constant exam stress has started. I've started to dream in Biology again. This semester has been so stressful with non-stop work in every course every day. I had to drop Pre-Cal because it was taking up so much time. It was either that or stop working, and I have bills to pay, so obviously Pre-Cal lost. So here I am catching up on Physiology. I just had my first lab practical Thursday and that was brutal. Now I'm prepping for my first lecture mid-term this coming Tuesday on none other than Neuro-Physiology. Today I didn't even take a shower until 7pm. I woke up at 8am and went straight for the books. The only saving grace is that after this coming mid-term week is spring break.

As much as I hate studying for these exams. I know I'm doing this work for that person who will need my help in 6 years. Just gotta take everything step by step. Exam by exam.

In other news. I think I'm going to do something fun with my hair as a last hurrah! Maybe go red or blonde? We'll see.

Oh yeah, I decided on ASU to finish my degree. Mostly due to financial reasons. You can't beat $9,000 a term!