Saturday, April 20, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Electrochemistry and Thermodynamics
It's been a long while since I've posted anything of importance. I've been extremely busy. When I say extremely busy, I don't mean I've been out and about running errands. I mean, I haven't had 5 minutes for myself extremely busy. I'm taking 16 credit hours this term, as well as working in the lab. I think I've been to about 3 conferences in 1 month? Probably, it all seems like a blur at this point.
Truth of the matter is: I just feel completely lost. I had my yearly freak out today. It's been brewing actually. Last Monday when I was in the lab, everyone could tell I was stressed and in an odd mood. When I went down with one of the other girls to the vivarium, I just started crying. I started crying as I explained how bad I was struggling in my classes, how hard it was to be in the lab as much as I was, and how sometimes I just want to quit. This morning I woke up early to study and as I was making breakfast, I again started to cry. My grades this term will be dismal. I've accepted that. If I can score a 3.3 it will be a miracle. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make up for how bad I did in community college my first time around. In the lab, the work never stops. Everyday, a new experiment needs to be run or a new project is taken on. It's the end of the semester and I have lab reports, research papers, and studying that needs to get done. I just don't think I can do it. I don't think I can survive this. This semester is a total loss, and I am terrified I don't have what it takes to get into medical school. The reason why this upsets me so much is that I gave up EVERYTHING for this. EVERYTHING. My friends, my family, financial stability. And here I am, I can't even survive my undergraduate career! Everyone I care about has been so supportive and has so much faith me, yet I feel like such a fraud. I am currently having extreme doubts in myself.
Next daunting task: Study for the MCAT. I'm hoping to take my first MCAT by the end of the year and have been looking into classes for it. Princeton review is 8k. 8K!! That's like a whole semesters worth of tuition! At this point, with my less than stellar past and this awful term, I am keeping hope for scoring high on the MCAT. It's all I have at this point.
I need a vacation. :-/
Truth of the matter is: I just feel completely lost. I had my yearly freak out today. It's been brewing actually. Last Monday when I was in the lab, everyone could tell I was stressed and in an odd mood. When I went down with one of the other girls to the vivarium, I just started crying. I started crying as I explained how bad I was struggling in my classes, how hard it was to be in the lab as much as I was, and how sometimes I just want to quit. This morning I woke up early to study and as I was making breakfast, I again started to cry. My grades this term will be dismal. I've accepted that. If I can score a 3.3 it will be a miracle. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make up for how bad I did in community college my first time around. In the lab, the work never stops. Everyday, a new experiment needs to be run or a new project is taken on. It's the end of the semester and I have lab reports, research papers, and studying that needs to get done. I just don't think I can do it. I don't think I can survive this. This semester is a total loss, and I am terrified I don't have what it takes to get into medical school. The reason why this upsets me so much is that I gave up EVERYTHING for this. EVERYTHING. My friends, my family, financial stability. And here I am, I can't even survive my undergraduate career! Everyone I care about has been so supportive and has so much faith me, yet I feel like such a fraud. I am currently having extreme doubts in myself.
Next daunting task: Study for the MCAT. I'm hoping to take my first MCAT by the end of the year and have been looking into classes for it. Princeton review is 8k. 8K!! That's like a whole semesters worth of tuition! At this point, with my less than stellar past and this awful term, I am keeping hope for scoring high on the MCAT. It's all I have at this point.
I need a vacation. :-/
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