Younger Us

Today's study session was a day full of note card assembly. I find that it really helps me to remember what I read if I write down what I'm reading as I read it. Since I discovered this, I realized that note cards are the way to go. I write down the important information once, then I revisit it again in the form of a note card. It's all about repetition for me. I was able to complete one chapter of muscle physiology note cards today....4 more chapters to go!

I also discovered a new band today called Japandroids. My friend Phil used to be a music blogger/photographer so I felt the need to ask him about new music today. Japandroids reminds me of the music I listened to right after high school as I was transitioning from my Punk phase into my Indie phase. Well, here you go! Enjoy!

Education

Ok. So I had a freak out earlier this week. It happened and I am not going to deny or defend it. I've been doing a lot of reflecting and I've noticed some patterns in my life. Every time I've ever gone through a transition in my life, I've gone through some sort of freak out. However, every transition has lead to something amazing. And yes, I was terrified before/during every phase ,but I did it and great things happened. So I'm just looking to my past as a guide towards the future. I knew what I was in for when I started and just like anything, if I focus on how hard it is and how I don't think I'll survive then I wont survive. I'm taking it for what it is. Exam by exam. And if I have to work harder than everyone to get to med-school then so be it. In music I always said it's not talent that will get you far; but rather the passion, desire, and motivation to get there. I believe the same is true in the scholastic sense. There are those who are superbly intelligent. There are people who can read a book in two hours and memorize the whole thing. I'm not that person. I just have to remind myself that getting 100% on exams doesn't make you a good Doctor. A good Doctor is someone who genuinely cares for, listens to, and empathizes with their patients. It's hard. It's going to get harder. I just have to keep focused and determined.

I love membase.org

I Want You To Find Whatever Your Heart Beats....

Today on my drive to school I was listening to the college radio station (really, the only station to listen to in my opinion). It's rare I ever hear anything that inflicts a response, however this song by Delta Spirit did. I'm also partial to anything "California" as of late since I am moving soon. I have to admit, I really love this video. It reminds me of my teenage punk days, when all that mattered was going to shows and having a good time. It was definitely a fun time in my life. I just wish I wasn't so awkward and self conscious back then. Sometimes I feel as though I am more of a kid now. Maybe it's the growing up and life experiences that teach you how to appreciate everything and not to sweat the small things. I like to make a fool out of myself and be the comic relief now, whereas when I was 16, I felt the need to always play it cool. We gotta be able to laugh at ourselves, even in serious moments. If you can't laugh at yourself then what's the point of living? I hope that when I die and my life flashes before my eyes, that it's a comedy. And hopefully it's like that scene in Anchorman where Ron Burgundy jumps on the tables in the Jazz Club and whips out his Jazz flute! :)

on a lighter note

Don't Mind Me...I'm Just Freaking Out.

I don't know what's come over me. This whole week I've had the hardest time concentrating. Just getting settled and focused to start working has been a feat. The truth of the matter is, i am completely overwhelmed at this point. With trying to get everything situated for my transfer, keep up with all my classes, taking/preparing for my placement tests, work, and deciding between ASU or DePaul, it's getting to be a little much at this point.

I'm also having a bit of a freak out in regards to what the hell it is I am actually doing with myself. I'm not a genius. When I think of a Doctor or a Medical student I think of someone with a far greater mental capacity than I possess. I've begun to ask myself if I'm even cut out to be a Doctor, or is it the perpetual optimist in me that believes that "I can do anything!" I struggle to get the grades that I do. If I struggle at community college, how am I going to manage at the next level? Physics and Organic Chemistry are considerably more intense than General Bio and Human Anatomy/Physiology. Am I going to start my pre-med courses and then fail miserably?! Then assuming I make it to Med-School am I going to be able to survive that? At this point I have had to cut out my social life just to scrape on by. How am I going to do it at the next level? At times, I just feel flat out dumb. I honestly am so scared that I am not cut out for the road I'm embarking on. I'm trying to complete all my pre-med courses in 2 years, and take my MCAT sometime before the start of my second year.I don't know if I am actually capable of achieving such a daunting task. I don't know why this is all hitting me now. Honestly, I am so confused. 

I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself either. I guess I feel the need to make up for the 6 years I wasted playing drums. I feel as though, had I never dropped out of AMDA, I would at least have my B.F.A. Then all I would have to do is a post-bac and be done with it all. Although I know I shouldn't have regrets, I do. I know I've lived a life full of great experiences that most can only dream of. However, a part of me would love to give back all of that just to be in a better academic situation today. I know that everything in life happens for a reason, and everything plays out the way it's supposed to. However, I do wish I had made more rational, educated decisions in my early 20's. Giving up everything to live a rock n' roll life, while I was successful at it, was not the best decision I could have made for myself.

I guess I'm noticing a pattern here. I gave up everything to be a touring drummer, I gave up everything to become a Doctor...Coincidence? I think not...

It's not a competition

After reading my last post, I realize I might have come across a slight bit spastic. Truth of the matter is, when I'm exhausted I make no sense. So, I apologize about that.

I met with my academic advisor this past week to find out that I will be graduating this term with not one, but three Associates Degree's. Really? Three? When I first started school (10 year ago) i was set on majoring in music, so I took every music class imaginable. Then, when I returned I thought I wanted to be a Doctor, then I realized I didn't want to be in school for 10 years so I decided on Nursing. Once I decided on Nursing, I realized that no. I did not want to be a Nurse. I'm supposed to be a Doctor. So obviously my constant twists and turns left me with more classes than needed. So here I am with a surplus of Associates Degree's.

At first when I decided to actually file for graduation, I had no intention of participating in the ceremony. "What for?" I asked myself. I really feel as though an Associate Degree means nothing. But as I got to thinking about it. Obtaining my AS has taken me 10 years. I've worked my butt off to finish in this past year, what takes people about 2.5 years. Why not? This marks my transition from community college to an actual university as Pre-Med. Year and a half at community college, 2 years at ASU, then 4 years med-school. Which I really break down as 2 years classroom, 2 years clinical rotations. If I break it down in two year increments it doesn't seem as long.

I'm going to be sad leaving Citrus College. I've made so many friends here. I have friends that have been in every single one of my classes along the way. I never would have thought that such a high stress, competitive environment would actually foster strong friendships. I am not looking forward to the level of competitiveness in med school. I've heard so many horror stories from people about others sabotaging them. Such as moving microscopes to incorrect positions in lab practicals and giving misguided information while studying with others. Why do that? It just makes life so much harder than it needs to be. At Citrus I definitely have felt competition, but in a supportive way. It's a fun, friendly competition to see who can score higher on exams but at the same time helping others learn the material that needs to be learned. I'm thankful for all my time here and the amazing professors I have had the opportunity to study under.

Full Speed Ahead!

AHHH!!!!!!! It's started!! The constant exam stress has started. I've started to dream in Biology again. This semester has been so stressful with non-stop work in every course every day. I had to drop Pre-Cal because it was taking up so much time. It was either that or stop working, and I have bills to pay, so obviously Pre-Cal lost. So here I am catching up on Physiology. I just had my first lab practical Thursday and that was brutal. Now I'm prepping for my first lecture mid-term this coming Tuesday on none other than Neuro-Physiology. Today I didn't even take a shower until 7pm. I woke up at 8am and went straight for the books. The only saving grace is that after this coming mid-term week is spring break.

As much as I hate studying for these exams. I know I'm doing this work for that person who will need my help in 6 years. Just gotta take everything step by step. Exam by exam.

In other news. I think I'm going to do something fun with my hair as a last hurrah! Maybe go red or blonde? We'll see.

Oh yeah, I decided on ASU to finish my degree. Mostly due to financial reasons. You can't beat $9,000 a term!