Today was my stint at the hospital. Every Friday morning I volunteer, and it's either hit or miss. I either have a great day, or an unmemorable day. Today I overslept and didn't bother to do my hair or put on make-up. Of course the one day I don't fix myself is the one day I run into three attractive USC Med-Students on their break. Oh well, c'est la vie.
On a patient discharge today, as I was waiting with my patient (and as the med students were hanging out) I noticed a man and his wife get out of their car. The man was very skinny, but still looked like he could put up a good fight (health wise) I looked at him and new he was being admitted for something serious. After I left my patient and went back to my department I was immediately sent on another discharge or rather admit. I go to admitting and sure enough, I was admitting the patient that caught my eye. As I went to greet him and his wife, I pulled his wheel chair and noticed the wife give her family members a big hug and hold back tears. The man also held back his tears. I then had to hold back my tears, because I knew this was bad. I tried to crack a bad joke on the way up to their floor to alleviate the situation, which seemed to lighten the air as much as could possibly be.
After I left them in their new "home" and walked back to my department I started to think about mortality and how one day we will all be gone or have to live in a hospital in our last hours. It puts life into perspective and makes all of our daily worries so trivial. It was especially hitting for me since lately I've been really down since having my braces put on. I know it's petty, but the braces brought back all of my insecurities I had as a kid. And really reflecting on all of this has made me angry and not myself lately. I've been snappy, irritable and not as outgoing as I like to be. I was supposed to do that admit today. It was a slap in the face to get over myself. There are bigger problems in life. Children are going without food and people are dying. Life is too short to sweat the petty stuff and dwell on the past or hope for the future. All we have is now and today. We can't control tomorrow, just this moment. We can't control how other people treat us, only how we react to their actions.
When I went through my most recent break-up, what really helped me was to focus on others. My motto became "it's not about you, it's about everyone else." I began to live that. Lately, I've only been living that when it comes to my career. Today I learned it's time to implement that back into my everyday/personal life.
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